I swear I don’t usually complain this much. I hope you can cut me a break seeing that in the last year, I have endured a deployment and now an overseas PCS. In this complicated military life, I have learned after each PCS that I get the blues. Moving is overwhelming, but moving to another country in a small apartment where nothing is familiar is another level. While I was ready to move on from DC (which I am sure we will return), it is always hard to leave in a sense. I feel like I leave a part of myself behind in each location. In this case, I left a job and a career I was building for myself as an entrepreneur. For 3 years, I developed a website, created contacts, developed relationships, and threw myself out into the wild blue yonder to have a career that revolves around my kids and our moves. Well, then we move here, Germany. Guess what? All my hard work starts paying off, I get offers for trips to network, interviews on local networks, and to speak right in the middle of our move. It’s kind of hard to do any of that when I live on another continent. It’s not that I can’t do some of those things, and I don’t want to be here. I do. Before you judge me and label me a complainer, I hope you realize how much military families go through to serve their country. The spouse sacrifices just as much if not more at times. It’s not like have anyone to complain to right now either. To add insult to injury, I dread the whole “find a friend” bit. It’s so draining to have to reinvent yourself every 2 to 3 years, so I am whining, crying, and pouting about it. It won’t last long, just a day or three.
I was apart of a group of fantastic ladies at my church in DC. It was a group of military spouses who will never know how much strength they gave me. They made me feel normal in my not so normal life. I felt at home just being in their presence. It was at one of our meetings where a seasoned (now retired) military spouse spoke to us about blooming where we were planted. It means more to me this time, and I don’t feel so bad about feeling blue. I know that it’s part of the process, and you do have to mourn your life in a sense because it’s drastically changed, AGAIN! It gets easier with each PCS, but it is always there. So I may retire to my bedroom for a day and cry my heart out, but don’t feel sorry for me. It’s a blessing. It’s an opportunity for me to grow and rely on God more. It’s a test of my heart and my passions. I know that I only get stronger and more determined from here after the dust settles. I do give myself the permission to adjust, cry, and mourn what was so I can embrace what is and move forward.
Thanks for indulging my little pity party. It just helped to put it out there and say it.